We have long established that living through life as a delusional bitch is the way to go. And in this post, let’s do that again. Our Discord server often conducts an Ask Me Anything (AMA) event for us members, and I figured I could repurpose the questions and make a magazine-type question-and-answer post a lá Vogue. This isn’t exactly 73 questions.
The Questions
Scissors or cutter?
Scissors.
Where did you get your boots?
It’s the Gaggy Boots from Dope Footwear.
Are you a husband material?
I guess it’s safe to say that I am who I want to spend the rest of my life with. If there was a clone of all my attributes, good and bad, I would marry that man. I am what I want in a man.
What attributes of a person do you not like?
Above all else, I loathe hypocrites. I’d rather have someone evil who knows he’s evil and admits to it over someone else who’s evil but not only denies it but also preaches against his own evilness. I’d rather have someone who’s a hater and admits that they’re being a hater than someone else who’s a hater but denies it and also preaches to other people about how much damage being hateful causes. I work hard every day to stay as truthful as possible, and whenever I notice myself caught in my own hypocrisy (which, thankfully, isn’t all that often), I call myself out on it in front of people as a sort of punishment and taking accountability.
What if everyone's gay?
The world would be in chaos. Sure, gay people are smart, talented, and artistic. But I’d rather everyone be lesbians than gay. Gay men are still men, and a lot of gay men think they get a pass for misogyny because they’re queer. And there’s quite a lot of drama; the gays love theatrics.
Which things would you like to change about yourself?
I don’t like the way I look. No matter how cute I think I am in whatever outfit I wear, or whatever makeup I choose to apply. I am always either too effeminate or masculine. I constantly fail to find the right balance, so I’m always all over the place in terms of gender expression. And everytime, I feel ugly. Make no mistake, I think I am drop dead gorgeous. But I feel ugly. I wish I could change that. I wish I could just put on anything, or nothing at all even, and just be comfortable and feel beautiful.
What is your favorite karaoke song?
Marry the Night by Lady Gaga, adjusted to go 4 semitones lower to accommodate my baritone voice.
If you were straight, what would be your taste in women?
I am bisexual, so I definitely swing the other way sometimes. And I don’t have a type, or maybe I do but I haven’t got it pinned down yet. I liked girls before, had flings with them even, and I can say the commonality between all of them is that they liked me back. Perhaps I was only liking the attention? I don’t know.
How was your Valentine's?
It was okay. I had to work overtime because of a deadline and I was super tired.
When will you be open to dating people again?
When I know that I am financially stable (like, really stable with a lot of disposable money), and when I know for sure that I have already discovered who I am outside of a relationship. The first one is self-explanatory. The second one relates to my experiences as a closeted bisexual with a very feminine gender expression. I have lived my childhood and adolescence cosplaying a person that was not me but was more acceptable to everyone. And when I came out as bisexual, I had already been dating someone. I never really got the chance to find out who I am as me alone. Once I am sure that I know who I am, that’s when I’d entertain serious romantic relationship.
And I am not rushing. I have always seen myself as someone who’s not defined by romance but rather a mere partaker of the gift.
Would you rather achieve your dream knowing that it will end up as something you don't like, or not achieve it at all?
I am only given one chance at life. I’m taking it by the balls, even if I know that it won’t turn out to be the majestic ending I’m hoping it to be.
What next big purchase are you looking forward to?
I’m looking forward to building my own gaming PC. It should’ve been built last year during the holiday season, but unfortunately, things didn’t go my way. I’m hoping to successfully build it this year.
I’m also looking forward to get myself a Samsung smart watch as an incentive to working out.
If you had one day to commit any crime without consequence, what crime would you commit? Why?
Murder of all corrupt politicians starting from the highest position downward. And murder of all rapists.
If you are to go back in time, which memory would you choose to go back to and how would you rewrite its ending?
I’d go back to the day my mom died. She was already paralyzed but I was told she could hear me. I couldn’t tell her anything because I was too embarrassed with all the people around me. I’d go back to actually tell her that I’d be fine and she can actually go to rest without all the anxieties about my future. Or anything really, I just want her to hear me one last time. But I was 10 years old, and I give myself grace.
How do you cope with stress?
By staying away as far as possible from the source of my stress whenever I can. That means I take full advantage of all my paid time off (PTO), sick leaves, and medical benefits. Capitalism is already using me, might as well exploit it back. And I get into a lot of new things. I surround myself with people who can get comfortably and visibly stressed with me so we can unwind together and be each others’ rant buddies.
What would make you give up on a person?
I always try to give out the biggest benefits of the doubt to everyone. But deliberate evil is where I draw the line. You can be an asshole to me, and I will give you grace if I found out you are in an abusive household. But that doesn’t mean I won’t call you out on it. Deliberately doing evil things to people, or anything really that shows no regard for other people’s right to be here is an immediate cut-off criteria for me. You’ll be blocked everywhere.
Are you satisfied with where you are right now?
Yes. This is Francis Rubio in his prime.
What is your biggest regret in the last 5 years?
I’m proud to say I have no regrets that I can think of. I like to think that I am living my life to its fullest.
What is the most romantic thing you've done for someone?
I think it was for my partner at the time. I built them a special card with a voice recorder module. Our biggest thing was playing Genshin Impact, so I recorded one of the characters’ (Zhongli) birthday greeting to the player and put it in the card. So when they opened the card, there was a button they could press to listen to the greeting. There were also a bunch of stuff in the gift box I brought them, like gummies because they loved gummies and couldn’t be bothered to get them on their own time, and other Genshin merch. I had so much fun putting the entire thing together, but what made it the most special to me is how much they appreciated it and that they “feel special”, which is the point of the gift.
When did you first fall in love?
There were several points in my life where I thought I was in love, but from where I am now, I realize that really they were just intense infatuations. So I would say the first time I fell in love was with my first romantic partner. They just had a really awesome personality and outlook in life, and I just wanted to wrap the person in a bunch of warm clouds and sunshine. I think that’s how I knew I was in love.
What is a fear you don't think you could ever overcome?
The fear of becoming disabled. I want to do a lot of things so I don’t know what I’d do if I just wake up blind one day, or without limbs.
Are you a morning person or a night owl?
I am a night owl.
What would your dream wedding look like?
It would be the campiest wedding in the history of camp. Think Ivy Aguas’ wedding with Arnaldo Ardiente in the TV Series Wildflower where she wore a black dress in a field of guests wearing white. My dream wedding would be funeral themed. All the lights will be those lighting setups in funerals. There would be photobooths with those lights. I would ask everyone to wear something white, so that I could stand out in a different color. There would be strict dress codes and no children will be allowed. Instead of bridesmaids and groomsmen giving wedding speeches, they would give eulogies that would mourn the end of my and my partner being single. There would be a confession booth where the best of my friends would be asked to comment on the wedding and film their confessionals a lá Drag Race. It will be gay as hell, and everyone will remember it as the best wedding they’ve been to.
But of course, the Philippine government would have to allow same-sex unions first.